I know that general consensus right now is that karma doesn't exist, or nore to the point, has nothing to do with us. I've heard it refered to as a fable for beginners, among other terms. Now, tonight, as I sit here coming down from after work proclivities, I find myself re-evaluating the concept.
I personally have thought of karma as a reflection of our internal guilt at certain of our actions. Now I'm thinking of it in terms of repetitions of similar ideas and people. As some of you know, I spent last night pondering how to be equals in a relationship and avoiding pissing contests.Well, tonight at work, I realized that many of my convoluted feelings stem from similar relationships in my past with people similar to the ones I'm now interacting with. If you made sense of that last sentance, you're doing better than I am. Brad is, if I pursue him, another Evil Kris waiting to happen. I found out half the drugs he does on a regular basis, and it hit me. And if I persue Griff, I'll be pursuing another fantasy person from my past. And then I got hit with jealousy when I saw them interacting. And it struck me, I'm only looking at certain solutions to things that really aren't a problem. It's kind of like addiction, you keep making the same bad choice when it is presented to you, because you don't see the other choices, or worse, you are afraid of the other choices. There's security in that bad decision, because you know exactly what it will bring.Is that perhaps karma, a divine teacher that presents you with similar situations until you figuire out a way to think yourself out of the box?
I admit, I am afraid, because the emotions I'm stuggling with are deeply ingrained into my being. Every part of me wants to take one of the twin paths that I can see in front of me, and ignore the possibilty of a third, the road less travelled. But truth be told, I don't want to become what I was again, because I know what happens when I follow those paths. I'm sure some of the rest of you remember what I was like during points in my journey to who I am now, and who it is I am on my way to becoming. I remember reading someplace that I was destined to stuggle with evelution vs. de-evolution. I do struggle with it. it's a long hard road to walk.
- Music:"Life in a Northern Town"-Dream Academy