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Changing the world
one mind at a time
I take that back. 
13th-Jul-2002 01:56 am
me
There is a lot I want to say.

I wish I could stop falling in love with people who aren't in love with me. I fucking hate that. I hate that all it takes is the though of an old flame to drive me right back to them in some way. I hate that I'm having erotic dreams about someone I care very greatly for, but with whom things didn't work out due to issues beyond my control. (Herb, for the curious.)

I hate that my mother is getting pissy with me bacuse I have to be in a wedding on a day she wants to do something. I hate that she's mad I'm thinking of converting to Judaism. I hate realizing that she's as human as the rest of us, with her own predjudices.

I hate being alone. I hate that most of my friends are currently dating, living together, or married. I hate that I'm jealous of them and their happiness. I hate that the best off I had for a date recently was "We can go out for coffee, then go back to your place and you can spank me until my ass is blistered".

I hate that I can't get motivated to finish the damn pizza murder mystery. I hate that I can't seem to hold on to an idea longer than a few days anymore.

I hate my job. I hate answering phone calls from the ghetto featuring someone mispronouncing English at me. I hate sports camps ordering 90 pizzas at a time. I hate Steve making fun of me.

I hate my life. I hate not having the courage to end it somedays. And I hate feeling this way.
Comments 
13th-Jul-2002 04:03 am (UTC)
Do you want sympathy or advice, sweetie? I can go either way...
13th-Jul-2002 09:57 am (UTC) - Re:
Right nw I'd settle for Valium
13th-Jul-2002 06:04 am (UTC)
There must be something in the air this week--everyone is a little testy, a little negative. Maybe it's the heat? Go out with your roommates to Otani's tonight, and try to get that slacker Chris Gray to go, so we can all let off a little steam. If anything--we can celebrate how shitty this week has been.
13th-Jul-2002 09:56 am (UTC) - Re:
Heh. I would if I didn't have to work.
17th-Jul-2002 04:22 am (UTC)
Anonymous
So on the days that you don't lack the courage what happens? Also, I am very curious why you are considering judaism?
17th-Jul-2002 11:07 am (UTC)
Well, there's only been one day when I haven't lacked the courage, and that ended with a trip to the hospital and a Paxil prescription.

As for Judaism, well, in all honesty, I find I have more in common with the ideas and practices behind the faith than I ever did with Xtianity. And besides, I've been pagan for 7 years. I have the 7 year itch.
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