There is a lot I want to say.
I wish I could stop falling in love with people who aren't in love with me. I fucking hate that. I hate that all it takes is the though of an old flame to drive me right back to them in some way. I hate that I'm having erotic dreams about someone I care very greatly for, but with whom things didn't work out due to issues beyond my control. (Herb, for the curious.)
I hate that my mother is getting pissy with me bacuse I have to be in a wedding on a day she wants to do something. I hate that she's mad I'm thinking of converting to Judaism. I hate realizing that she's as human as the rest of us, with her own predjudices.
I hate being alone. I hate that most of my friends are currently dating, living together, or married. I hate that I'm jealous of them and their happiness. I hate that the best off I had for a date recently was "We can go out for coffee, then go back to your place and you can spank me until my ass is blistered".
I hate that I can't get motivated to finish the damn pizza murder mystery. I hate that I can't seem to hold on to an idea longer than a few days anymore.
I hate my job. I hate answering phone calls from the ghetto featuring someone mispronouncing English at me. I hate sports camps ordering 90 pizzas at a time. I hate Steve making fun of me.
I hate my life. I hate not having the courage to end it somedays. And I hate feeling this way.
- Music:"Kathy's Song"-Apoptegma Berzerk