My friend Doug, who needs an lj account (if anyone can spare a code, I'd appreciate it a lot!), told me once that I should sit down and examine my past relationships, and make up a list of things I'm looking for in a lover. Since I have this handy journal to do this in, I figured I'd give it a shot tonight. It beats the hell out of dwelling on the horrendous headache I've been fighting all day.
Ok, I'm leaving off 1 night stands and those with whom no emotion was ever involved in.
Mike- No list would be complete without him. Even if he was a Virgo, we managed to stay together for 6 years. I think we could actually be considered the longest running couple in our graduating class. Last I heard, he was living in Louisiana.
Positives-A strange sense of adventure, often seen in the random ways we got together. A healthy libido. A forgiving nature. Reciprocation as well as initiation. Silly tastes in music and movies. And the way he worked was facinating.
Negatives-Even when he was wrong he had to be right. He cheated first. He needed to bathe more frequently. Didn't read much.
Doug- Well, we could go on forever about how this one came up. Basically, I became the other woman in his marriage to Dave. Even after all the bullshit, we still had feelings for one another. Currently living with his husbear Phil.
Positives-Never a dull conversation. Great foreplay. Mind works in really strange ways, making him one of the few people who could jump intuitively around a conversation with me. Understanding and loving.
Negatives-Occasionally too understanding and loving (think Bedazzled
). Foreplay was great, but the sex ended with psychoanalysis. Timing was never there. Whenever we dated, we ended up becoming too much like Romantic-era poets.
Kris-The first bf I ever lived with while dating him. Also one of the leading causes of my destroyed short-term memory. Our break-up could have made a Springer
episode. Last I heard, he was out in West Virginia/Pittsburgh.
Positives-Always up for some kind of adventure. Great hands. Great cook.
Negatives-Drug addict. Told his parents I was his dealer, not his boyfriend. Not to mention, most of my later Fairborn friends knew him through his ex-girlfriend, making for a lot of explaining.
Chris-Met him through Doug. Amicable break-up, even if I did get the urge to boil his bunny at one point. Still friends with him. Currently living with his new bf here in Columbus.
Positives-Never took things all that seriously. Knew how to flatter the hell out of me at will. Always could put a smile on my face. Knew fun ways to torment me.
Negatives-Some of those torments were bad (no secreting of reproductive fluids for a month? I now know how to knit thanks to him). We made better friends than lovers. He snores.
Steve-Met him on-line and we had a 2 month let's get together thing going on. No clue what happened to him.
Negatives-Liked to talk about his other partners in the sack. Constantly apologized for stupid shit. The one time I went to his place, he tried to put the make on me while I slept. No sense of adventure.
Herb-My roommate in College Park. I have the date of our first mating around here somewhere, but it was kind of a "My wife is out-of-town, come over" fling. I often became his date when his wife wasn't home. He and his wife are currently separated, but still live together. I don't understand, but it's his life.
Positives-Herb could say a lot without ever talking. Half the time, I could just sit and watch him for hours. No conversation needed. His entire family loves me to death.
Rodger-My first bf in Columbus. I think we dated around 6 months. He's still living in Grandview.
Positives-One of the few who could go from vanilla to kink and back again in one encounter. Good taste in movies and books. Decent cooking skills.
Negatives-Wanted me to move in after the second date. Gave me crabs after he started sleeping around. Tried to guilt me into loving him.
So where does this leave me?
What I want in a man-
no need for every moment to be in conversation
fun to watch working
a man who reads
a man who likes movies
a man who likes men exclusively
a man who likes to travel
a man who is out
a man who likes a bit of kink, but who also likes to cuddle
a healthy libido
someone who can cook
someone who likes romance and sex, preferably at the same time
What I'm not looking for-
A drug addicted junkie
a married man
someone who snores (yes I'm being superficial and hypocritical)
someone looking for me to just be a role to him (ie son, slave, geisha)
someone who's going to whore around at the first hint of trouble
Know any available person who meets my criteria? I'm accepting yenta suggestions...