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Borrowed from westbeilschmidt, who I don't think I formally welcomed... 
21st-Aug-2002 11:26 pm
me
15 Things to Do At Wal-Mart while your Partner is taking their sweet time...

1) Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2) Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 2-min intervals.

3) Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4) Walk up to an employee and tell him/her, in a very official tone, "I think we have a Code 3 in housewares,"

5) Insist that you must put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6) Move "Caution Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

7) Set up a tent in the camping department. Tell everyone who stops to stare that you won't invite them in unless they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8) When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people leave me alone?"

9) Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10) While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are sold.

11) Dark around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible"

12) In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look using different size funnels.

13) Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, in a very high voice, "Pick me! Pick me!"

14) When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No! No! It's those voices again!"

15) Go into the fitting room and yell, loud, "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
Comments 
21st-Aug-2002 09:00 pm (UTC)
hee hee hee... you and jo_munch are messes. i LOVE it.
21st-Aug-2002 09:15 pm (UTC) - Re:
*chuckles* So glad to see I can provide amusement to the masses. I feel like Karl Marx's worst nightmare now.:)
21st-Aug-2002 09:03 pm (UTC)
heheh xzavier and I got a kick out of that!
21st-Aug-2002 09:13 pm (UTC) - Re:
I think my personal fave was the apple juice to the bathroom. I may have to try that.
21st-Aug-2002 11:20 pm (UTC)
I have a number of jokes that I posted in in past entries. If ya wanna look at the calendar between Dec '01 til the present. Feel free to read and post them on your lj.

ttfn!
Jo

PS: You already have welcomed me to your lj, I think it was last week (if I'm not mistaken)
21st-Aug-2002 11:46 pm (UTC) - Re:
LOL...i've been reading through them, and some of them have been e-mailed on already:)
22nd-Aug-2002 01:43 pm (UTC) - Re:
Sorry if some of them are copied a few times.

Enjoy
2nd-Jul-2003 11:21 pm (UTC) - Things To Do
Hi. uhmm, Your post made me laugh so I decided I'd add some more to it and make you laugh! :)

Things to Do...In an Elevator..

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all
of you just shut UP!"

2. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in
there?"

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act
embarrassed when they open by themselves.

4. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new
socks on!"

5. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and
move to the far corner of the elevator.

6. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

7. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -

Things to Do...When You Order a Pizza

11. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
18. Answer their questions with questions.
19.In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Stutter on the letter "p."
17. ask what the order taker is wearing.
27. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief. 33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
40. Ask to see a menu.
47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
55.Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
69. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cut-off.
82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
91. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
3rd-Jul-2003 12:48 am (UTC) - Re: Things To Do
*giggle*
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