After a bunch of tests, I found out I'm negative, other than one thing which I won't even go into. While not fatal or incurable, it is a bitch. Therefore, I'm swearing off sex for a while, mainly because I don't ever want to have a Q-tip shoved up my urethra ever again. The blood tests I can deal with. The others are a whole different story.
Lesson of the day kiddies: Don't have sex unless you really want a Q-tip up your urethra.