What words do you find wise enough to live by?
They say a man should always dress for the job he wants.
So why am I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant?
It's all because some hacker stole my identity.
Now I'm in here every evenin' servin' chowder and iced tea.
Should've gone to FreeCreditReport.com (yee haw!).
I could've seen this comin' at me like an atom bomb.
They monitor your credit and send you email alerts,
so you don't end sellin' fish to tourists in t-shirts
In other news, mom tried to tell me she can drive to Indianapolis from Urbana in an hour. If that's true, she needs to join the NASCAR circuit.