First thing you do, you set your iPod (or computer music list, what the ever) to shuffle.
Then you ask the following questions, and hit 'next song'. The title of the song will be the answer to your question.
Question: What do you think of me, playlist?
Answer: "Waiting for the Man"-David Bowie and Lou Reed (so you think I need to grow up?)
Question: Will I have a happy life?
Answer: "Thunderball"-Tom Jones (Mm, good and sleazy!)
Question: What do my friends really think of me?
Answer: "Take a Chance on Me"-ABBA (I should be more open with my friends?)
Question: Do people secretly lust after me?
Answer: "White Rabbit"-Jefferson Airplane (so only people on drugs secretly harbour feelings for my peener?)
Question: What should I do with my life?
Answer: "Boom I fucked Your Boyfriend"-Gillette (Once again, playlist, you think I should be a gigolo.)
Question: Why must life be so full of pain?
Answer: "Soccer Practice"-Johnny McGovern (*snickers* Only with the straight boys does soccer practice lead to pain.)
Question: How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Answer: "Sweet Surrender"-Sarah MacLachlan (Oh, I get to be the submissive?)
Question: Will I ever have children?
Answer: "It's the End of the World as We Know It"-REM (Is that a polite way of saying 'G-d forbid'?)
Question: Will I die happy?
Answer: "Justified and Ancient"-KLF (I get to die a secret Master of the Universe?)
Question: Can you give me some advice?
Answer: "Don't Stop Believing"-Journey (wow, that's actually good advice for once. Who are you and what did you do with my playlist?)
Question: What do you think happiness is?
Answer: "Running down a Dream"-Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (Actually yes. Although I find the pursuit to be better than the catching.)
Question: What's my favorite fetish?
Answer: "Even flow"-Pearl Jam (sounds like a vague reference to water sports. which... just EWWW.)
And since i have the playlist up and running anyway....
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds.
IF SOMEONE SAYS "YOU'RE HOT" YOU SAY?
"Rhythm is a Dancer"-Snap (And then I snap my fingers and wiggle my ass.)
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE?
"Paint It Black"-The Rolling Stones (Last night, yes. Today, not so much.)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"More More More"-Rachel Stevens (How do you like your love?)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE LONG GOAL?
"No New Tale To Tell"-Love and Rockets (well, yeah, having collected all the tales...)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"100% Pure Love"-Crystal Waters (damn, playlist, you is NASTY tonight!)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Sex Type Thing"- Stone Temple Pilots (Oh G-ds above and below, I hope not!)
WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
"If It Be Your Will"-Leonard Cohen (well, yeah, I am getting more contemplative the longer winter goes on.)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON WHO LIKES YOU?
"Enjoy the Silence"-Depeche Mode (This is true of most of the men I've dated. I almost want to become a dom so I have an excuse to gag them.)
WHAT DOES YOUR BEST FRIEND ALWAYS SAY TO YOU?
"Your Mama Don't Dance"-Loggins and Messina (And Your daddy don't rock and roll.)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Everlong"-Foo Fighters (At the risk of WTMI, I'm uite pleased with my endowments as it is. Or are you trying to say I should be on viagra 24/7, playlist?)
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SAYING?
"Crucified"- Army of Lovers (Get down off the cross, James, someone else needs the wood.)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Vasoline"-Stone Temple Pilots (*snicker* That's the honeymoon.)
WHAT WILL BE PLAYED AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Heartbreaker"-Pat Benetar (Open Casket. You can say it to my face.)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
"Sweet Caroline"- Neil Diamond (Thankfully, I don't know anyone by that name, so it doesn't come up often.)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"I Don't Like Mondays"-Tori Amos (Not really a secret there, playlist.)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR HOUSE?
"Superstar"-Sonic Youth (Uh huh, testify!)
WHAT DO YOU REALLY THINK OF YOUR ENEMY?
"Wannabe"-The Spice Girls (so there, bitch!)
WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR?
"King of Pain"-The Police (MMM, more S&N subtext. Playlist, you must think I'm a lot kinkier that I should be.)
WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS?
"China Girl"-David Bowie