What fictional character do you most identify with?
Right now, probably Drew Parker from Keith Hartman's The Gumshoe, the Witch, and the Virtual Corpse
and The Gumshoe Gorilla
. I heartily recommend both of them to anyone who enjoys sci-fi and mystery genres.
Drew is a noir-ish private eye in 2024 Atlanta. He is gay, becomes a rather reluctant shaman about halfway through the first book, and many of his innermost thoughts resemble things I've found myself feeling at various points. Like not wanting to be someone's Knight in shining Armor, preferring to date someone who's had his illusions shattered, heart broken, and life stomped on once before. "Falling in love is easy, staying in love is not."
In the middle of the second book, he discusses why the Gorilla Gumshoe is his totem. Said Gorilla was part of a TV show involving a gorilla who was made intelligent by science, who sets up a PI business while trying to understand a world he is part of but doesn't belong in. Drew makes a few comments about how growing up as a gay teen in a straight laced Baptist environment made the character really resonate with him. While I grew up in a straight laced Presbyterian environment, I also understand what it feels like to be living someplace and yet feel separated from it.
And much like Drew looking at the younger gays that make up the "scene", I too occasionally feel like I'm standing outside a window looking at a club I will never fit in. I mean, I've lost a bunch of weight and and I'm not very furry, so I can't really be a bear or an otter, I don't have the money of the fey body to be a twink...I mean I'm not a very good fit into any of the subsets of gay culture. I'm just me, doing my best to be who I am.