Just wasted two hours watching Resident Evil
. Ordinarily, I'd post this review to either horrormoviefans
, but both of them are currently clogged with other ppul's reviews. Since I don't like competition...
Ok, let me start by saying that I've played the first game twice. I got eaten about five minutes in by doggies. So, normally, I watch other people with better control play and try and help them solve the puzzles.
They should have let George Romero helm the damn thing as originally planned, since his script acutally followed the game's plot. C'mon, Mortal Kombat
was better than this. Milla Jojovich or however you spell that was basically Trinity from The Matrix
crossed with Geena Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight
. The zombie effects were ok, but the hunter sucked. Computer generated characters can be really good (watch Species
, horrid plot, great movie), really bad (Any of the current William Castle remakes), or just plain worthless (see the remake of The Haunting
. Or rather, don't waste your money. Rent the original B&W version for a real treatise on how to make a real horror movie. Or better yet, read Shirly Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House
). Speaking of that crappy remake, most of the sets in this movies seemed borrowed from it. And by far, the greatest sin was not acknowledging its own status of a B-grade popcorn flick. This is not to say it should have decended into pure camp, but it did take itself waaaay
On the bright side, it did mess with my counting sequence for predicting the ubiquitous "jump sequence" chronology. But by the same token, it, like Valentine
(which saved itself from being pure crap by casting David Boreanez), telegraphed every single death, not to mention the sheer number of "chump deaths". I actually spent most of it cheering for the flesh-eating monsters. They could act.
My advice, wait until you can rent it for $2, get a bunch of friends over, get stoned or drunk, and then watch it. Make sure you have at least one person who will scream at anything (like, say, stewicked
, who came home scared out of her mind after seeing it), so you can all make fun of them.